30. Killing Me Softly (2002)
Rating: 0%
Chinese-born American Chen Kaige is a very well-respected director. In 1993, Kaige won the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival for directing Farewell My Concubine. Additionally, Kaige earned praise for his 2002 film Together. Unfortunately, Killing Me Softly was a massive flop. Kaige’s first English-language film, Killing Me Softly is a mess. Starring Heather Graham, Joseph Fiennes, and Natascha McElhone, the erotic thriller is weighed down by terrible dialogue and shambolic plot twists. Unless you want to waste nearly two hours of your life, you are better off watching Kaige’s foreign films.
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29. A Low Down Dirty Shame (1994)
Rating: 0%
A Low Down Dirty Shame is a fitting name for this horrific movie. If you make the unfortunate decision to watch the film, you will probably be telling yourself afterwards, “what a shame.” Keenen Ivory Wayans took matters into his own hands with this project — acting as the director, writer, and star. Wayans has directed some hits over the years including In Living Color, Scary Movie, and White Chicks, but he missed the mark with this one. Wayans plays the role of Andre Shame — a detective who has run into a dead end in his investigation of a drug kingpin. The movie lacks the humor typically associated with the Wayans, and also is limited by an egregious use of slow-motion. There is a reason why this film has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
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28. Bolero (1984)
Rating: 0%
There are many films that critics dislike but audiences enjoy — Bolero is not one of those films. With a 17% audience score, it is clear that not even Bo Derek could save this monstrosity. Directed by John Derek, Bolero is set in the 1920s and follows a young woman on her quest to lose her virginity. Along her journey, Lida (Bo Derek) encounters a Spanish bullfighter and a Moroccan sheik. Unfortunately for Lida, her Spanish love interest has an accident…one that men all around the world will feel the pain of instantly. This was far from Bo’s finest hour.
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27. Homecoming (2009)
Rating: 0%
Directed by Morgan J. Freeman — no, not that Morgan Freeman — Homecoming tells an all-too-familiar tale. In high school, Shelby (Mischa Barton) and Mike (Matt Long) were the perfect couple. Shelby was the homecoming queen and Mike was the star quarterback. Mike heads off to Northwestern University, but things take a drastic turn when he returns home for Christmas with a new girlfriend, Elizabeth, in tow. Shelby is hellbent to make Elizabeth’s life hell in order to win back her ex, and everything that follows is far too predictable. The story is lazy, the acting is mediocre, and the action is feeble. Skip Homecoming.
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26. Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)
Rating: 0%
Starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery, the original Highlander film from 1986 was pretty decent. While some people may not have loved it due to its corny antics, others loved it for those same moments. Unfortunately, director Russell Mulcahy opted to make a sequel five years later. Highlander II: The Quickening sees Lambert’s Connor MacLeod tasked with preventing the destruction of Earth. Set in 2024, nearly the entire ozone above Earth has dissipated. As a result, MacLeod helps build a shield to protect Earth. Between the time hops, absurd SFX, and brutal performances, Highlander II is unwatchable — even for those who loved the original.
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25. The Disappointments Room (2016)
Rating: 0%
It didn’t matter where this film was viewed — whether it was in a theater or in the comforts of one’s home, The Disappointments Room was always the biggest disappointment in the room. The lovely Kate Beckinsale stars as Dana, an architect who moves into a countryside manor with her husband and son. Upon moving into their new home, Dana begins to have terrifying nightmares and visions that she cannot explain. Her husband can’t comprehend what she is claiming to see, and thus thinks she is delusional. While this film is supposed to be a thriller, it is anything but thrilling. Beckinsale puts forth a decent performance, but otherwise the film is completely useless.
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24. Staying Alive (1983)
Rating: 0%
Who thought making a sequel to Saturday Night Fever was a good idea? Six years after that film’s success, John Travolta returned to the big screen as Tony Manero. Only this time, Manero isn’t focused on the disco scene. Instead, he is determined to make it big on Broadway. Directed and written by Sylvester Stallone, Staying Alive attempts to capture the magic of its predecessor but instead fails at every turn. The story is disjointed, not nearly as fun as the original, and, frankly, embarrassing.
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23. Look Who’s Talking Now (1993)
Rating: 0%
Back-to-back films starring John Travolta…not a great look for the star. For starters, Travolta and co-star Kirstie Alley have zero chemistry. That is a problem considering the two are married in the film. This time around, James (Travolta) and Mollie (Alley) adopt two dogs — Rocks (voiced by Danny DeVito) and Daphne (Diane Keaton). The audience hears the dogs bicker throughout the film, but James and Mollie are unable to hear any of the dog-talk. Do we really need to invest our time into a story that follows two dogs and two disinterested actors? No.
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22. Mac and Me (1988)
Rating: 0%
“An alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy.”
………………
This E.T. rip-off should have never been filmed.
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21. Redline (2007)
Rating: 0%
Think of Redline as a poor, poor, poor, poor man’s version of the Fast & Furious franchise. Nadia Bjorlin stars as Natasha — a talented singer, car junkie, and great driver. At one point, Natasha becomes involved in an illegal drag-racing organization. Because she is a talented driver, Natasha is recruited to drive luxurious cars in these dangerous races. Unfortunately, the only thing worth paying attention to in this film are the cars themselves. The story is dull and clearly focused on showcasing the women and the cars more than developing a strong plot. Oh, and an Enzo Ferrari was totaled during filming…stay away just for that absurd level of disrespect.
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20. Cabin Fever (2016)
Rating: 0%
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: “Fresh out of college, five friends face the horrors…”
That’s right, just another horror film centered around young adults going on a vacation into the woods. Written by Eli Roth, Cabin Fever follows five friends as they look to escape to their cabin. Little do they know, a flesh-eating virus is waiting for them inside the walls of the cabin. Fun! This remake is pitiful. The only compliment I can extend is to the makeup team…great work, even if you caused my stomach to turn.
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19. Shadow Conspiracy (1997)
Rating: 0%
Critics and normal viewers agree — this film stinks. Starring Charlie Sheen, Donald Sutherland, Linda Hamilton, and Stephen Lang, Shadow Conspiracy tells the tale about an assassination plot. Sheen plays Bobby Bishop — an assistant to the President of the United States. At one point, Bishop comes face-to-face with a man named Pochenko. Pochenko is aware of the plot to kill the President and warns Bishop — which immediately puts him in harms way. While the plot doesn’t sound terrible at first glance, the film itself is horrid. The actors don’t seem to care about their performances, the story itself is both convoluted and absurd. Pass.
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18. 3 Strikes (2000)
Rating: 0%
In baseball, it is three strikes and you’re out. Unfortunately for this film, its title is all too fitting. A few minutes into watching this production, you will be saying to yourself, “I’m out.” Directed and written by DJ Pooh, 3 Strikes is about a man who has two strikes on his criminal record — a third strike would result in 25 years to life in prison. The plot to this movie is truly mind-numbing. As Rob Douglas (Brian Hooks) leaves prison following his second term, he is picked up by his friend. The only problem is…his friend is driving a stolen car and decides to shoot at some police officers. And just like that, Douglas is on the run. This film is allegedly a comedy, but there is nothing to laugh at.
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17. Wagons East! (1994)
Rating: 0%
John Candy is a legend. Unfortunately, being a legend doesn’t prevent you from having a poor performance once in a while. Starring Candy, Wagons East! missed the mark big time. Set in the Wild West, the film follows a group of settlers who are tired of their current situation. Upon meeting a cowboy, the settlers decide they want to return home — to the East. Even Candy can’t save this satire from being a waste of time. In what sadly was Candy’s final on-screen performance, the icon plays the role of an alcoholic wagon master named James Harlow. It sounds impossible, but this film made Candy seem unfunny.
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16. Problem Child (1990)
Rating: 0%
Problem Child certainly isn’t a great movie, but it isn’t as terrible as this ranking might suggest. As the title suggests, the movie is about a problematic child. The child at the center of the movie is Junior, played by Michael Oliver — a redheaded youngster who is adopted by Ben (John Ritter). To say Junior is a menace would be an understatement. He becomes pen pals with a serial killer dubbed The Bow Tie Killer, and is often responsible for anything bad that happens around town. Also starring Gilbert Gottfried, Problem Child is ultimately not funny enough to deserve a second watch.
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15. Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991)
Rating: 0%
In 1980, Brooke Shields had a memorable performance in The Blue Lagoon. The film wasn’t lauded for its genius, so expectations for 1991’s Return to the Blue Lagoon were low. In this rough sequel, two kids are stranded on an island with an adult — Sarah Hargrave (Lisa Pelikan). Tragically, Sarah soon passes away and the kids are left to fend for themselves. Lilli (Milla Jovovich) and Richard (Brian Krause) grow up on the island and eventually fall in love — typical. Just like the original, this sequel relies on good looks and beautiful scenery to thrive. However, neither of those things can make this film watchable.
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14. The Nutcracker in 3D (2013)
Rating: 0%
The Nutcracker is a beloved ballet. Since 1892, the beautiful production has been popular worldwide. Unfortunately, The Nutcracker in 3D brought shame to the iconic ballet which features Tchaikovsky’s famous composition. 3D is an embarrassing piece of ‘work’. If you can find one person who liked this film — whether they are 7 years old or 50 — I will be amazed. Kids didn’t like it, parents slept under their 3D glasses, movie theater workers warned patrons to stay away. A remarkable waste of time.
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13. London Fields (2018)
Rating: 0%
Based on a popular 1989 novel of the same name by Martin Amis, London Fields fails to capture the magic that was inside the pages of the book. Amber Heard stars as Nicola Six — a woman who has been living with a premonition of her death…and a dark death at that. Six goes on to have relationships with three men, including one man who she knows will end up killing her. Unfortunately, even Billy Bob Thornton can’t save this film from being terrible. Unlike the novel, the film is boring and incoherent from the start. If you really want to experience this story at its best, read the novel and pass on the film.
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12. Stratton (2017)
Rating: 0%
There are many things that go into making a poor film, and Stratton is plagued by a few of those issues. Directed by Simon West, Stratton is ultimately bogged down by an underwhelming cast, unimpressive set pieces, and poor storytelling. The film follows a plot that has become all-too-common — a skilled operative attempts to track down a terrorist cell. Dominic Cooper plays the titular character, and his performance epitomizes what is wrong with the film. As John Stratton, Cooper is bland, seemingly uninterested, and utterly forgettable — just like this wannabe James Bond flick.
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11. The Ridiculous 6 (2015)
Rating: 0%
This a film that Netflix probably wishes it didn’t create. The Ridiculous 6 is a Western-comedy and also the first film produced as a result of the Adam Sandler/Netflix partnership. Written by Sandler, the film stars a slew of familiar names including Terry Crews, Luke Wilson, Rob Schneider, Jon Lovitz, Jorge Garcia, and Taylor Lautner (comprising the six). With all of these stars involved, there was some optimism that Sandler’s film would be entertaining. Unfortunately, it wound up being chaotic, thoroughly unfunny, and rather offensive. Instead of being another welcomed addition to Sandler’s catalogue, The Ridiculous 6 is a film that everyone wants to wipe from their memory.
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10. Dark Crimes (2016)
Rating: 0%
Jim Carrey is understandably associated with his comedic performances, but he is much more than just a funny man. Carrey is capable of playing more serious roles — and he does his best to nail his performance in Dark Crimes. Carrey stars as Tadek, a police officer who becomes involved in a mysterious web of crimes, lies, and danger. Unfortunately, the film never quite takes advantage of its promising story. The story progresses at a turtle’s pace and doesn’t bring enough excitement to the table. Carrey’s performance was fine, but not great. Ultimately, this is a thriller that is far from thrilling.
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9. Jaws 4 – The Revenge (1987)
Rating: 0%
To get an idea of just how absurd this film is, let’s take a look at a tagline from Jaws 4 – The Revenge:
“Chief Brody’s widow believes that her family is deliberately being targeted by another shark in search of revenge.”
You don’t say! A shark is capable of deliberately targeting a family?! WOW! For a franchise that caused millions of people to fear the ocean, this edition of Jaws had people looking for the nearest exit. The only thing that came from this film was bloodier shark attacks.
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8. The Last Days of American Crime (2020)
Rating: 0%
The tagline for The Last Days of American Crime reads like the anti-Purge — “Two men and a woman plan the heist of the century before a government-broadcast signal wipes out crime forever.” Instead of a government-broadcast signal announcing all crime is legal until sunrise, this one states crime will forever be banned. Boring? Yep. Set a few years in the future, the United States government is fed up with terrorism and crime. That’s it, that’s the story. The action sequences in The Last Days of American Crime are less engaging than the world’s most committed recluse. Yeah, it’s that poor of a film.
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7. Gold Diggers (2003)
Rating: 0%
National Lampoon’s Vacation and its sequels starring Chevy Chase were awesome. Unfortunately, National Lampoon’s Gold Diggers is a trainwreck. The film stars Will Friedle as Calvin and Chris Owen as Leonard — two losers who hatch a plan to marry a pair of elderly, rich sisters. Calvin and Leonard believe they will inherit the sisters’ wealth upon their eventual deaths, but the sisters have a different plan. Unbeknownst to the losers, the sisters are broke and intend on murdering the men in order to claim their life insurance money. Don’t worry, the film really is as dumb as it sounds. There is no humor to be found in this waste.
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6. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)
Rating: 0%
I struggle to comprehend how anybody can be entertained by a film centered around talking babies. Beyond that, how the hell could enough people enjoy the original movie that a sequel was green-lit? In Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, a group of brilliant toddlers join forces to battle an evil man. That evil man, played by Jon Voight, is a media mogul who is determined to alter the minds of children. How will a group of babies stop a fully-grown man from accomplishing his sinister goal? I don’t care to find out, and neither should you. There is a reason why this film has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.
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5. Pinocchio (2002)
Rating: 0%
This Italian film directed by Roberto Benigni should never have seen the light of day. Pinocchio is a creepy character to begin with, so it is troubling that anyone thought bringing Pinocchio to life was a good idea. In Benigni’s Pinocchio, the titular character is played by Benigni himself. Yep, a balding adult plays the role of a boy. In addition to being utterly creepy, the movie is painfully boring. How an Oscar-winning actor and Oscar-nominated director can produce something this terrible is truly baffling.
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4. Gotti (2018)
Rating: 0%
How is it possible to butcher a story about John Gotti’s life this much? Directed by Kevin Connolly (E from Entourage), 2020’s Gotti is one of the worst mob movies you will ever watch (if you subject yourself to that type of punishment). John Travolta plays the infamous gangster, and you will never be able to forget it. Instead of being immersed in the story, you will only be able to see Travolta throughout the film’s run. There was seemingly no attempt to change Travolta’s appearance other than giving him grey hair. You will learn more about Gotti by spending five minutes on Wikipedia than you will watching this movie for close to two hours.
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3. A Thousand Words (2012)
Rating: 0%
Eddie Murphy is regarded as one of the funniest people of all-time. So, please explain to me why someone would largely take away his voice for an entire movie? In A Thousand Words, Murphy’s lifespan is dictated by a tree’s life. Every word he speaks, a leaf falls from the tree. Once all the leaves have fallen, Murphy’s character will die. It is an interesting concept, sure. However, silencing someone like Murphy defeats the purpose of having him on-screen. This isn’t the worst movie you will ever watch, but it doesn’t mean you should willingly waste hours of your life watching a watered down Eddie Murphy.
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2. One Missed Call (2008)
Rating: 0%
Directed by Eric Valette, One Missed Call has a somewhat interesting premise. A handful of people notice that they have received a voicemail, but the voice on the other end is very startling — it is their voice. How is this possible? Nobody knows. In the voicemails, their future selves go on to describe how they will die — down to the date, time, and manner of death. While the plot sounds interesting enough, the film sadly falls flat. There is nothing scary about the watch, which is rather depressing considering the potential for this horror story. This supernatural film should pull off one last magic trick and make itself disappear.
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1. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
Rating: 0%
Sometimes a movie title is so strange that you can tell it is going to be a bad film — this is certainly one of those instances. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever is shockingly bad considering its stars and premise. Antonio Banderas stars as Ecks and Lucy Liu as Sever. Ecks is an FBI agent and Sever is a rogue DIA agent. The two agents have been enemies for years, but are forced to come together to defeat a bigger threat. Painfully, the action sequences in this movie are headache inducing. There are too many plot holes to count, the script is a mess, and the violence is out of control. If you want to watch Banderas in an enjoyable film, stick to The Mask of Zorro or Spy Kids.
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